Listen I know everything's already been done and there are no "new" ideas and all that. I know it's been that way for years.
But sometimes I see examples of things being repeated and I'm shocked. Why is that?
For instance, I've been watching the show ThirtySomething from the late 80's early 90's. I don't actually watch television, but I dabble in Hulu when I can't sleep and, well, I haven't been sleeping much lately. So yeah. Many of the subject they talk about concerning social reform and environmental safety open my eyes to the fact that I am NOT the first mother to buy organic food for my toddler, I am NOT the first mother to be concerned with petitions and polutions, Brendan and I are NOT the first couple to toy with lots of different ideas surrounding our financial and work states. Hell we're not the first couple to hate each other sometimes.
I forget the particular instance, and believe me I really do know Brendan and I aren't the first couple in the world - much less the first couple to have all the crazy ideas we have, but something one of the couples did literally made me gasp. Not because what they were doing was SO crazy but because it's something Brendan and I do, or have done or something like that. I never knew anyone else to do that! (again, I don't remember what it was at all) It was just the idea that SOME ONE ELSE was doing that very thing! Not only that, but someone on a TELEVISION SHOW! That means that not only has someone else done that very thing, but then either they wrote about it, someone they know wrote about it or someone who knows someone they know wrote about it. Or, even if no "real" couple exists that went through or did this particular thing (gosh, I do wish I could remember what that thing was, but I'm not rewatching any of the episodes to find out), someone made it up in a believable way which generally means that it has happened or almost happened or happens all the time - writers write about what they know.
Short story long, I don't know why I was so incredibly SHOCKED to see first hand (or whatever hand television gives you) that Brendan and I are SO not original. It was a little crazy.
Oh, and another thing. I went to look at the family games section at WalMart the other day while Brendan was asking the friendly personnel at the Tire Shop a question. There are some interesting looking games out there, and I really wanted to try at least one of them out (like we have the time), but they were almost $30! Ouch!
When did family games get so expensive? And why!?!
That's it for today.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Day 68:It's about TIME!
Aaaaaalllllright!
I know, I know, it's been 24 days since my last blog, you've lost interest and how can I expect you to get interested again?
Well, you don't have to and it's really none of my business what you're into!
;^P
Not to make excuses, but I would like to share my experience of the last oh, 3+ weeks.
First things first, I got my period. Normally that's not such a big deal, but this was the first period since I got pregnant with Mira - so it's been a while.
And boy oh boy was it making up for lost time. Every symptom started the week before and some are still lingering today.
Mostly the depression and insomnia have been the biggest factors.
Lucky me, I didn't get much in the way of postpartum depression, but these last three weeks have really been harsh enough to make up for that.
And I can't sleep. Unless it's during the day which is completely useful (not!) Two hours each night if I'm lucky. I can sleep around 8 or 9pm, but I'm up by 11 for sure - and I'm awake all night. I wouldn't mind except I can't get much done during those late evening and super early mornings while it's still dark out or I might wake my sweetly sleeping counterparts.
To boot, Mira's still teething molars which makes the poor girl miserable and since we do not use any chemicals for her (ambesol), the only solace she gets is from nursing. Two days this week, last week and the week before (for some reason she prefers Tuesday and Wednesday) she nursed literally every half hour for about 12 hours minus two 40min naps. If you don't know, producing milk is a very tiresome and fatiguing business - totally worth it, but shit, I don't have energy for anything else!
AHHHH!
Ohkay, well, I think that's good enough for one day.
Ya'll take care & I'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure.
Lots of love and I missed writing for sure.
I know, I know, it's been 24 days since my last blog, you've lost interest and how can I expect you to get interested again?
Well, you don't have to and it's really none of my business what you're into!
;^P
Not to make excuses, but I would like to share my experience of the last oh, 3+ weeks.
First things first, I got my period. Normally that's not such a big deal, but this was the first period since I got pregnant with Mira - so it's been a while.
And boy oh boy was it making up for lost time. Every symptom started the week before and some are still lingering today.
Mostly the depression and insomnia have been the biggest factors.
Lucky me, I didn't get much in the way of postpartum depression, but these last three weeks have really been harsh enough to make up for that.
And I can't sleep. Unless it's during the day which is completely useful (not!) Two hours each night if I'm lucky. I can sleep around 8 or 9pm, but I'm up by 11 for sure - and I'm awake all night. I wouldn't mind except I can't get much done during those late evening and super early mornings while it's still dark out or I might wake my sweetly sleeping counterparts.
To boot, Mira's still teething molars which makes the poor girl miserable and since we do not use any chemicals for her (ambesol), the only solace she gets is from nursing. Two days this week, last week and the week before (for some reason she prefers Tuesday and Wednesday) she nursed literally every half hour for about 12 hours minus two 40min naps. If you don't know, producing milk is a very tiresome and fatiguing business - totally worth it, but shit, I don't have energy for anything else!
AHHHH!
Ohkay, well, I think that's good enough for one day.
Ya'll take care & I'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure.
Lots of love and I missed writing for sure.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Day 44: Independence Day (no, not the movie)
So yesterday, my small family and I went to the big O-town celebration for our nation's Independence Day. It was one of those things where any of the area non-profit organizations capable of having a booth, had one set up for food, beverages or even games (I do wish there were more games!). There were also inflated jumping toys for the kids (I think there were about eight of those), and plenty of walking and sitting around room for the adults. At about 7:30, the Fire Rescue Team of Oneonta, "Fire Safety" taped off an area of the park in anticipation for the fireworks.
We had just set up our viewing area along with Brendan's mother and prepared to wait. It's more than waiting in a crowd like that - I love that kind of thing because it means you can people watch! It's always an opportunity for me to see something new - like an under 10 year old carrying a newborn, which a little shocking until you see the mother snatch the baby away from him and carry the baby WAY less affectionately than the boy had. We also took that opportunity to get ice cream and a second round of food from the vendors. We ate the ice cream first, and it was delicious! I also had Speedie's for the first time thanks to the Rotary "Shelter Box" vendor, also quite delicious! Mira played with a little almost 3 year old boy just slightly taller than her, which was very sweet and entertaining.
I almost forgot to tell you about the biggest attraction there, aside from the fireworks! They had a stage! Well, 2 stages, really. The big stage was all set up for bands, the first of which was really very progressive for Oneonta, we thought. They were a teenage jam band. If you're not familiar with jam bands, it's a band of musicians who know how to play their instruments very well and basically just do that for swaths of time. Some jam band songs can last for a half an hour. I think this first band only actually sang 4 songs in their hour and a half on stage - it was refreshing to hear MUSIC instead of all the familiar songs you can sing to and you know how to dance to. When they were done there was a second, smaller stage where some real live Cloggers from Milford, NY entertained the crowd with their very cute matching dresses with bloomers and tapshoes and even a little doggy trick side show. Then it was back to the main stage for a karaoke style (we think she was an American Idol hopeful or local winner) singer. After that, there was your typical, good, middle-aged all male band presenting the tunes everyone could either sing along with or dance to with some ease and familiarity. Following this act: FIREWORKS!
The fireworks did not start until about 9:30/9:45, a bit later than the advertised time, but hell, we'd been there most of the day, so what's another half an hour? Besides, the prime people watching available was really easy on passing the time. Once they started, though, it was definitely showtime. The fireworks were nice with a really kick ass finale. Nothing much compared to the fireworks show's I grew up going to in Oklahoma, but better than no fireworks at all to be sure. I think they were definitely trying to space it out though, as there were sometimes full minutes spaced between each set off. This silence of "boom"s and "screech"es provided ample opportunity to hear the soundtrack blaring from the stage. There were some of the old standby's like "Proud to be an American" and such. One song stuck out though that I thought was VERY interesting - especially right now when some states are completely rewriting their immigrant laws: "Coming to America". I got a little chuckle out of it and it spawned an interesting conversation in the car ride home between Brendan and I, but I just wondered what made "them" (whoever "they" are) chose THAT as one of the songs. Maybe to spawn interesting conversations on the car ride home? Or to take a stance against these new immigrant laws? Either way, you cannot doubt the controversial nature of the song in our particular time. I was pleasantly surprised about NOT hearing any people spouting off about how much they disliked certain someones' "Coming to America".
Then again; that's a great sign of a truly kick-ass finale.
We had just set up our viewing area along with Brendan's mother and prepared to wait. It's more than waiting in a crowd like that - I love that kind of thing because it means you can people watch! It's always an opportunity for me to see something new - like an under 10 year old carrying a newborn, which a little shocking until you see the mother snatch the baby away from him and carry the baby WAY less affectionately than the boy had. We also took that opportunity to get ice cream and a second round of food from the vendors. We ate the ice cream first, and it was delicious! I also had Speedie's for the first time thanks to the Rotary "Shelter Box" vendor, also quite delicious! Mira played with a little almost 3 year old boy just slightly taller than her, which was very sweet and entertaining.
I almost forgot to tell you about the biggest attraction there, aside from the fireworks! They had a stage! Well, 2 stages, really. The big stage was all set up for bands, the first of which was really very progressive for Oneonta, we thought. They were a teenage jam band. If you're not familiar with jam bands, it's a band of musicians who know how to play their instruments very well and basically just do that for swaths of time. Some jam band songs can last for a half an hour. I think this first band only actually sang 4 songs in their hour and a half on stage - it was refreshing to hear MUSIC instead of all the familiar songs you can sing to and you know how to dance to. When they were done there was a second, smaller stage where some real live Cloggers from Milford, NY entertained the crowd with their very cute matching dresses with bloomers and tapshoes and even a little doggy trick side show. Then it was back to the main stage for a karaoke style (we think she was an American Idol hopeful or local winner) singer. After that, there was your typical, good, middle-aged all male band presenting the tunes everyone could either sing along with or dance to with some ease and familiarity. Following this act: FIREWORKS!
The fireworks did not start until about 9:30/9:45, a bit later than the advertised time, but hell, we'd been there most of the day, so what's another half an hour? Besides, the prime people watching available was really easy on passing the time. Once they started, though, it was definitely showtime. The fireworks were nice with a really kick ass finale. Nothing much compared to the fireworks show's I grew up going to in Oklahoma, but better than no fireworks at all to be sure. I think they were definitely trying to space it out though, as there were sometimes full minutes spaced between each set off. This silence of "boom"s and "screech"es provided ample opportunity to hear the soundtrack blaring from the stage. There were some of the old standby's like "Proud to be an American" and such. One song stuck out though that I thought was VERY interesting - especially right now when some states are completely rewriting their immigrant laws: "Coming to America". I got a little chuckle out of it and it spawned an interesting conversation in the car ride home between Brendan and I, but I just wondered what made "them" (whoever "they" are) chose THAT as one of the songs. Maybe to spawn interesting conversations on the car ride home? Or to take a stance against these new immigrant laws? Either way, you cannot doubt the controversial nature of the song in our particular time. I was pleasantly surprised about NOT hearing any people spouting off about how much they disliked certain someones' "Coming to America".
Then again; that's a great sign of a truly kick-ass finale.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Day 42: WTF is going on around here?
Uh, so I just found out that the state of Minnesota basically shut down? How the heck is that possible? I mean, really? Is there a point at which they will reopen? How does a state close? I don't get it, and I think it's actually pretty scary. Are they going to start taking volunteers soon?
And I heard Connecticut is next?
I don't know, people, this is not sounding like something we should just be shrugging our shoulders and letting happen without any reaction... Did I miss the reaction?
I feel like I'm asking if I missed the revolution.
A revolution would be really, really hard to miss because revolutions CHANGE things. Oh, but Minnesota, the STATE, being closed is a pretty big change. So who's running the revolution? And what, exactly, is their end goal? And why do states need to shut down because of it?
I am freaking out, in case you can't tell.
The worst part about all of this... in my opinion... is that I don't know about it, but I've seen so much of the damned Casey Anthony trial (though I don't know anything because I wasn't paying attention) because the news networks are showing it non stop! Why is THAT so compelling anyway? She's just some random citizen who may or may not have killed her own child, which pretty much (sadly) happens at least once a month, I'm sure. What's so special about THIS case? And why was there a dowsing rod expert? Is this THE trial of the century? Already in 2011? Is this particular trial going to change the way our society lives in ANY WAY?
Then WHY the fuck are we WATCHING IT!?!?!
Okay, so, now I'm freaked out AND a little angry.
I think it's time for a nap.
Or maybe some Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theater (yeah, it's awesome) from Hulu.
Yeah, that will help my destress.
And I heard Connecticut is next?
I don't know, people, this is not sounding like something we should just be shrugging our shoulders and letting happen without any reaction... Did I miss the reaction?
I feel like I'm asking if I missed the revolution.
A revolution would be really, really hard to miss because revolutions CHANGE things. Oh, but Minnesota, the STATE, being closed is a pretty big change. So who's running the revolution? And what, exactly, is their end goal? And why do states need to shut down because of it?
I am freaking out, in case you can't tell.
The worst part about all of this... in my opinion... is that I don't know about it, but I've seen so much of the damned Casey Anthony trial (though I don't know anything because I wasn't paying attention) because the news networks are showing it non stop! Why is THAT so compelling anyway? She's just some random citizen who may or may not have killed her own child, which pretty much (sadly) happens at least once a month, I'm sure. What's so special about THIS case? And why was there a dowsing rod expert? Is this THE trial of the century? Already in 2011? Is this particular trial going to change the way our society lives in ANY WAY?
Then WHY the fuck are we WATCHING IT!?!?!
Okay, so, now I'm freaked out AND a little angry.
I think it's time for a nap.
Or maybe some Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theater (yeah, it's awesome) from Hulu.
Yeah, that will help my destress.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Day 39: I miss my baby...
It's sometimes the weirdest thing, having a kid.
I adore, absolutely adore and love my child. She is sweet, bold, independent, smart, and amazing. That said, there are certainly some days that are harder than others. Some days, sweet Mira, is so unhappy for one reason or another (didn't sleep well, teething, growth spurts, uncomfortable in some way, hungry, you name it). Even those days, I cannot get enough of her.
Sometimes, I load her into the car and we head out for this place or that and I fear I left her at home because she isn't RIGHT THERE. She is quietly watching the goings on of the world outside from her carseat, but I panic, thinking I forgot her altogether! It's silly and I know that; irrational. But for some reason, if she isn't right there where I can pick her up and hold her if I want, I sort of freak out for a minute and have to calm myself again.
Like right now: Brendan took her to his mother's house for a little while so I could get some work done. Very thoughtful of him, indeed. But I just frantically reached out to feel for her in the middle of working on something! I miss my baby! This bond is ridiculously strong! Sometimes even when I'm at work, I almost believe I can feel her calling out for me or just longing for an embrace from me. And then I am longing to hold her and hear her talking or screaming or singing or even crying, I don't care how I get her, I just want her.
Don't get me wrong - it IS good to get away sometimes. But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking of her or missing her while we are apart...
Being a mom is very crazy.
I adore, absolutely adore and love my child. She is sweet, bold, independent, smart, and amazing. That said, there are certainly some days that are harder than others. Some days, sweet Mira, is so unhappy for one reason or another (didn't sleep well, teething, growth spurts, uncomfortable in some way, hungry, you name it). Even those days, I cannot get enough of her.
Sometimes, I load her into the car and we head out for this place or that and I fear I left her at home because she isn't RIGHT THERE. She is quietly watching the goings on of the world outside from her carseat, but I panic, thinking I forgot her altogether! It's silly and I know that; irrational. But for some reason, if she isn't right there where I can pick her up and hold her if I want, I sort of freak out for a minute and have to calm myself again.
Like right now: Brendan took her to his mother's house for a little while so I could get some work done. Very thoughtful of him, indeed. But I just frantically reached out to feel for her in the middle of working on something! I miss my baby! This bond is ridiculously strong! Sometimes even when I'm at work, I almost believe I can feel her calling out for me or just longing for an embrace from me. And then I am longing to hold her and hear her talking or screaming or singing or even crying, I don't care how I get her, I just want her.
Don't get me wrong - it IS good to get away sometimes. But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking of her or missing her while we are apart...
Being a mom is very crazy.
Day 38: And now for something completely different
So, first I'd like to tell you a story about the laundromat, yep, the laundromat. I had laundry (I always do!) to do. I took Mira because I couldn't leave her at home alone, a blessing and a curse at the same time. Since it's gotten hot, they've been rigging the door open so you can't shut it even if you wanted too - also a blessing and a curse. The blessing being the fresh air, the curse being that I can't put Mira down because she RUNS straight out and into the parking lot. Not such a great idea for a just barely 1 year old, but so far I can't seem to talk her out of it. That being said, I obviously can't put her down, I have to carry her constantly. Let me tell you that carrying an over 20lb, squirming, squealing baby is no easy task when carrying a laundry basket, getting change loading soap and quarters AND clothes into an about waist high hole for a front loader. So at some point, in front of the washing mashing, loading one thing or another, I leaned in to get closer to the washer. Mira must have leaned in right then too, because I felt a little jerk in her body that let me know she hit something, a shoulder or arm or maybe even a cheek or something. I looked her over to make sure she was okay and she was. The girl didn't even seem phased one bit. Just then, from across the laundromat, I heard "OH MY GOSH! SHE HIT THE BABY'S FACE ON THE CORNER! SHE HIT THE BABY'S FACE ON THE CORNER OF THE WASHING MACHINE!"
It was being yelled shrilly.
It was an older woman, and the longer I think about it the longer I'm convinced she never had any kids of her own. Anyone with kids would know that it was nothing to worry about or spend any time fretting over.
I looked up, there were a lot of people in that small laundromat. I found the face the loud obnoxious and humiliating accusation came out of. Her face was distorted with worry. I really wanted to answer something loudly back, but thought maybe she didn't deserve that. In a world of child abuse and neglect, it is perfectly reasonable for her to overreact to my daughter's very slight head bumping. Humiliated as I was, it was really hard to calmly reassure her that Mira was fine, see, she's fine, look, she hasn't even noticed that anything happened, that is how minor that was, so you can go on about your business.
So that's my little story.
And now, I'd like to share something with you!
If you are buying your coleslaw dressing - STOP! You can make it yourself WAY cheaper, it's very easy AND it is all great ingredients without msg or preservatives or any of that crap. You'll be amazed how easy it is once you try it yourself and you'll wonder why you were buying that crap before.
You will need:
a whisk
a bowl
sugar
white vinegar
water
mayonnaise (real mayonnaise)
salt
pepper
Since I don't know how much coleslaw you are making, I cannot tell you exact measurements BUT don't be discouraged! Just try this and see what happens!
Mix equal parts water, vinegar and sugar in your bowl with the whisk (maybe try about 1tbs of each first). When the sugar is dissolved, add 3 parts mayo (so if you used 1tbsp of water, 1tbsp sugar & 1 tbsp vinegar, you would add 3 tbsp mayonnaise), whisk.
Taste it. Salt and pepper to taste (I prefer A LOT of pepper). If the consistency is a little thinner than you'd like, add a little more mayo (1tbsp at a time).
Some people like to add some Cheyenne pepper to taste or even horseradish, have fun with it; it's YOUR recipe! It takes, maybe, 1 minute and cents to make. When you're done mixing it all in with your cabbage and whatever you like in your slaw, you can say with all of your heart that YOU made this coleslaw.
It's a great feeling.
It was being yelled shrilly.
It was an older woman, and the longer I think about it the longer I'm convinced she never had any kids of her own. Anyone with kids would know that it was nothing to worry about or spend any time fretting over.
I looked up, there were a lot of people in that small laundromat. I found the face the loud obnoxious and humiliating accusation came out of. Her face was distorted with worry. I really wanted to answer something loudly back, but thought maybe she didn't deserve that. In a world of child abuse and neglect, it is perfectly reasonable for her to overreact to my daughter's very slight head bumping. Humiliated as I was, it was really hard to calmly reassure her that Mira was fine, see, she's fine, look, she hasn't even noticed that anything happened, that is how minor that was, so you can go on about your business.
So that's my little story.
And now, I'd like to share something with you!
If you are buying your coleslaw dressing - STOP! You can make it yourself WAY cheaper, it's very easy AND it is all great ingredients without msg or preservatives or any of that crap. You'll be amazed how easy it is once you try it yourself and you'll wonder why you were buying that crap before.
You will need:
a whisk
a bowl
sugar
white vinegar
water
mayonnaise (real mayonnaise)
salt
pepper
Since I don't know how much coleslaw you are making, I cannot tell you exact measurements BUT don't be discouraged! Just try this and see what happens!
Mix equal parts water, vinegar and sugar in your bowl with the whisk (maybe try about 1tbs of each first). When the sugar is dissolved, add 3 parts mayo (so if you used 1tbsp of water, 1tbsp sugar & 1 tbsp vinegar, you would add 3 tbsp mayonnaise), whisk.
Taste it. Salt and pepper to taste (I prefer A LOT of pepper). If the consistency is a little thinner than you'd like, add a little more mayo (1tbsp at a time).
Some people like to add some Cheyenne pepper to taste or even horseradish, have fun with it; it's YOUR recipe! It takes, maybe, 1 minute and cents to make. When you're done mixing it all in with your cabbage and whatever you like in your slaw, you can say with all of your heart that YOU made this coleslaw.
It's a great feeling.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Day 36: Art for $ sake
So I've had John Lennon's Working Class Hero in my head for days:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lKwXwU5iWs
Here are the lyrics:
As soon as your born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasents as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.
If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.
I love the perplexity this song leaves me with. And I find I'm trying to justify my own personal decisions while listening to it: "but, but I don't subscribe to the bullshit! I quit schools - a few of them! I denounce proclaiming my worth with pieces of paper whether in the form of diplomas or certificates or dollar bills! I AM a working class hero! And I still don't know how to follow you!" seems to play on repeat in my brain while I listen and for quite a while thereafter.
And then I listen to it again.
And again.
And I dissect each line like it's a religion to be studied and followed.
I do this because, well, he plainly states that something is to be achieved if I do "follow him". I believe that if I DO follow him by subscribing to this song... well... then I somehow am able to denounce the fear, the religion, the classes, the sex, the oppression, the time restrictions/constrictions, the failure, all that. But then I realize that I'm not so sure I believe the author himself was a working class hero. Was he?
I don't know.
I don't even know what that means.
By the time I run all this around in my brain, I don't even know whether BEING one is a good thing or a bad thing. Then I always come to the same sobering, cooling, sweaty realization: it doesn't even matter.
I guess in the scheme of things, it really is just art. Meant to perplex and educate and fulfill and to provoke anger towards "those bastards" who do the spreading of fear through religion, class, sex, time restrictions/constrictions by differentiating us with who is worthy, who is not and who is successful and who is a failure.
I'll tell you one thing: I have succeeded in my life! I am exactly who and WHAT I want to be and I love where I am, who I am and who I am with (more often than not!). I work to feel worthy (the money helps, no doubt) of my own food and shelter and contributions to my community, and my self worth is gauged solely on my own parameters!
This is where I sigh the sigh of relief and listen to the song one last time and the tumult of emotions that plagued me before turn to soft resignation and a deep sigh. I let the relief wash over me as I move on into the next thing.
Whew! I thought my brain might explode there for a minute!
And to be sure: I'm not against education - I love to learn and increase my knowledge. I disagree with the idea that a person's worth is measured by whether they followed a program to completion in order to receive a piece of paper. I disagree with the fact that people cannot usually even just try to DO what they love, they have to jump like a monkey and go through the hoops to prove they are worthy of doing what they love. I disagree because it has turned much of our societies into groups of people who just want more and more paper, oh the paper, gimme the diplomas, lemme have the certificates, then I'll get the money the money the money. It's all paper, where did the love go? And what happened to the value in following your heart? What happened to the integrity of the soul?
I'm sure, if you made it all the way through this, you are probably right in touch with your heart and soul and you have no trouble doing what you love all whilst expressing it.
LOVE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lKwXwU5iWs
Here are the lyrics:
As soon as your born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasents as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.
If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.
I love the perplexity this song leaves me with. And I find I'm trying to justify my own personal decisions while listening to it: "but, but I don't subscribe to the bullshit! I quit schools - a few of them! I denounce proclaiming my worth with pieces of paper whether in the form of diplomas or certificates or dollar bills! I AM a working class hero! And I still don't know how to follow you!" seems to play on repeat in my brain while I listen and for quite a while thereafter.
And then I listen to it again.
And again.
And I dissect each line like it's a religion to be studied and followed.
I do this because, well, he plainly states that something is to be achieved if I do "follow him". I believe that if I DO follow him by subscribing to this song... well... then I somehow am able to denounce the fear, the religion, the classes, the sex, the oppression, the time restrictions/constrictions, the failure, all that. But then I realize that I'm not so sure I believe the author himself was a working class hero. Was he?
I don't know.
I don't even know what that means.
By the time I run all this around in my brain, I don't even know whether BEING one is a good thing or a bad thing. Then I always come to the same sobering, cooling, sweaty realization: it doesn't even matter.
I guess in the scheme of things, it really is just art. Meant to perplex and educate and fulfill and to provoke anger towards "those bastards" who do the spreading of fear through religion, class, sex, time restrictions/constrictions by differentiating us with who is worthy, who is not and who is successful and who is a failure.
I'll tell you one thing: I have succeeded in my life! I am exactly who and WHAT I want to be and I love where I am, who I am and who I am with (more often than not!). I work to feel worthy (the money helps, no doubt) of my own food and shelter and contributions to my community, and my self worth is gauged solely on my own parameters!
This is where I sigh the sigh of relief and listen to the song one last time and the tumult of emotions that plagued me before turn to soft resignation and a deep sigh. I let the relief wash over me as I move on into the next thing.
Whew! I thought my brain might explode there for a minute!
And to be sure: I'm not against education - I love to learn and increase my knowledge. I disagree with the idea that a person's worth is measured by whether they followed a program to completion in order to receive a piece of paper. I disagree with the fact that people cannot usually even just try to DO what they love, they have to jump like a monkey and go through the hoops to prove they are worthy of doing what they love. I disagree because it has turned much of our societies into groups of people who just want more and more paper, oh the paper, gimme the diplomas, lemme have the certificates, then I'll get the money the money the money. It's all paper, where did the love go? And what happened to the value in following your heart? What happened to the integrity of the soul?
I'm sure, if you made it all the way through this, you are probably right in touch with your heart and soul and you have no trouble doing what you love all whilst expressing it.
LOVE!
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