Okay, so I often see elderly women who remind me so much of my Granny that in my peripheral vision, I snap judgment and think she's revisiting (she died in 2000). She was one of the most amazing people I have ever had the great luck to know. She taught me tolerance, open mindedness, what it means to feel pretty, how it feels to be alone, and how to deal with those dark parts of your soul. She didn't do any of that on purpose. She did all of that just by being herself, and by loving me and by talking to me like I could have been one of her best high school girlfriends. That time when everyone is striving to tell their truth just so they can see it for themselves as it spills out of their mouth.
And then I get to thinking about that theory that everyone we love who has passed surrounds us by being a part of other people. So, like, the way I understand it, in this theory: if you think someone looks like your granny, they actually are being partially taken over by your granny so that she can be close to you and so she can let you know she is actually still with you in a way. Alright, alright, they don't "take over" other people, but they find their likeness and make it apparent to you. I don't know if that makes sense, the way I explained it, and I also don't know the title of this "theory" or "idealism", but I do know I've heard of it. And I really like the thought of it. So, like everyone you meet who reminds you of someone long gone - you get them back! For a split second here and a minute and a half there as the woman with white hair asks you how you can tell how much you're going to have to pay for this green bell pepper. For that short time, it's like no time was lost at all. That's what I like about this theory. Or idealism, or whatever it is.
And then, because my mind wanders, and because I'm often working on distracting myself from present situations that desperately need my decisive powers: I think of people I meet, or people I see who I think I must be related to.
Weird? Yah, okay, I know you've done that too. Meet this cute so-n-so, and then they do this thing which is very unmistakably a very characteristic thing of your uncle's. All of a sudden, it's "BYE BYE GONZO!"
Like I recently worked for a woman here in NY, and as soon as she started to speak, I thought "That voice sounds familiar". Then, I notice the shape of her left eyelid and how it's a little different than the right - a characteristic I've only ever seen in my family. Well, I've only ever NOTICED in people in my family. Then we're chatting, and holy moly, she's originally from Oklahoma! I'm surreally convinced she and I are oddly related. Like she must be my great grandma's niece's kid or something. I tell her at some point that she reminds me of people in my family and she passes it off "Yeah, it's because we're from the same part of the country", but I know plenty of people from that part of the country and the only people I know with those certain characteristics belong to my family.
It's a long shot. But in my head, where I'm building my understandable and strange world, we MUST be related somehow.
And then there's this one actress who reminds me SO MUCH of one of my aunts. It's bizarre. Her manner of speaking, her hair, her thinness and the way her neck creases, it's all so very unique. It's all so very creepy. I mean, really, really really really really, there's no way! Fuckin no way! But in my head, I build these short little allowances that make it so, and BAM, we're related.
Creeeeeeeeeeepy.
But fun.
And I like it.
So there.
Link of the day:
http://www.moillusions.com/2006/06/experience-real-hallucination.html
